Youse Gazette readers is clearly an educated bunch, so I take great pains to use well gramer and speling. In George Washington's time, Americans probably spoke with that perfect British accent. Early American Indian tribespersons would say stuff like, "Kemosabe, me buy new bow and arrow at Walmart, put arrow in bow, make Revolution with you." George would answer, "Odds bodkins, Tonto Long-Tooth. Thou doth speak wisely. Let's sip some early American Root Beer, laced with a jigger of Early American rum from yonder ewer (a real word — look it up), leap onto them steeds over there, (mine dappled, yours a delightful earth-tone with hints of ochre), and start a Revolutionary War."

And they did. The rest is history.