Many people wonder about George Washington's Grist Mill, which is on Mount Vernon highway up near Route 1. In fact, many people have no idea where his Grist Mill was/is. Even more people have no idea what the heck a Grist Mill is in the first place. So, I will humbly educate you (I went to Trinity College, and am qualified). A Grist Mill is where crops such as wheat, corn, oats and a few unavoidable dandelions are ground into powder, to be used for some purpose that escapes most people. But through months of diligent research, I have discovered the real function of that Grist Mill. It is where crafty ol' George snuck away to when he got tired of Martha telling him to do his chores. He could smoke his two-foot clay pipe there all day, for instance, or just veg.

We guys all have neat secret places like that. We want to be just like George.

— Bart Hewitt